INNER TURMOIL

Are you depressed? Confused about purpose of life and your own existence? As a kid I used to have bouts of depression for days. Meditation and chants were helpful but not a cure. Being fed up of these cycles I decided to have a final fight with myself. Fighting with self!! Why not? If we can live in harmony with self, we also have a full right to fight ourselves as well. I gripped myself from neck and asked, "What's your problem man?" I got no answer. "Then why are you bothering me? Don't mess up with me." As the self was confused so it had no answer. If you are also bothered like that, I am sure you also won't get any answer. You will get answer? But Dear! You will be answering your questions yourself; the answers won't be coming from your self. We think about things and circumstances, ponder over them necessarily or unnecessarily and feel bothered. When I asked my self why it was bothering me it did not answer. I assumed that I was acting sternly and it was too scared to respond. It's also part of my existence and requires same attention as is given to ego! Instead of gripping from neck, it was better to hold its hand while strolling and give it comfy feelings. Talking with self can be of much help. Later I realized that it is not self which bothers, instead we bothers ourselves and involve the self in it. The solve I found for problems was fairly simple. First of all I accepted the fact that ‘I am pure, undiluted, have no wrong intentions, knowingly or unknowingly not doing anything which goes against spirit of life. At second stage I realized my existence in present moment. What is present is real, past is gone, future is hopes or fears. What I am doing or thinking in present is important for me. If something wrong was done to me or by me in past then only its effects can be tackled in present, nobody can go to past and undo what has been done. If I am thinking of future then the way goes from present. Present conduct shall mould the future to a great extent. Best way to get away from negative feelings and emotions is to involve ourselves without getting involved. It comes by practice and is beneficial for our health; be it physical, mental, emotional or spiritual.